The past few weeks I've been working on a revamp of my website and social media. I wanted something that reflected my true self more, and is a more accurate reflection of my whole self. I think that for quite a while I was toning things down and leaving out certain elements of myself because I thought they wouldn't fit in with the new age/witchy community. I'm no longer willing to do that. If I'm going to put myself out there, then I'll put myself out there as myself and not a light/diet beige vanilla version of myself.
This photo is pretty much my life, ponies, rock music, crystals and Tarot cards.
There's a fair amount of pressure within the new age community to be all love and Light and positivity all the time. Don't get me wrong, I believe in being positive generally, I just don't think it's realistic all the time. When you're going through big deep shit, like the death of someone close to you, a divorce, or have experienced assault or abuse, telling someone to “just be positive”, isn't just unhelpful, it's downright insulting. And I think that's where the new age community often gets it wrong. When we are going through tough stuff, we need honesty and realism, not fluffy platitudes like “it all happens for a reason” or that “it must be part of your life plan”. Wether you believe it's true or not doesn't matter, no one needs to hear that when they are struggling or grieving.
There's lots of aspects of the community that are very me. I love tarot, astrology, oracle decks, crystals, yoga, and essential oils. And I don't suppress my colourful side either, I have rainbow hair and collect vintage my little ponies and love rainbow unicorns. But there's a part of me that does not fit in with the rest of the lightworker crew. I love hard rock and heavy metal, skulls, goth fashion and the spookier aspects of the paranormal. I've even had people in the community tell me that it's not good to like that stuff, that it's “lower energies”. We need the lower energies as much as we need the higher. For example your root chakra is not worse than your crown chakra, you need both to be a fully functioning person. And let's face it sex, and death, and the tough shit, and the things that go bump in the night are just as real and as valid as all the high vibe meditations, salt lamps and yoga retreats.
For a while though I toned it down to be more acceptable. There is this point that many of us reach in our 40s, though some earlier or later, and some not at all, that I like to call - the Fuck It Point. This is the point where you truly do not give a shit whether someone thinks you are acceptable or not. If I someone doesn't like me or they judge me for listening to Iron Maiden or having rainbow hair, they’re not my people. We are trained, especially as women, to be “nice” and inoffensive, to make excuses for others poor behaviour and to tone ourselves down so as to not upset others. The new age community tells us to be all loving and to accept everyone which leads some to forget about discernment and to put up with things they shouldn't. At the Fuck It Point, you stop wasting your energy on others who want you to change for their comfort. You stop caring about appearing nice or good, and you care about the truth, about authenticity.
I'd like to thank all of you who gave me some really lovely feedback about the changes on my website, other social media and on YouTube. It's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way, and that many of you have gone through some of the same things. I think we are all journeying towards being our authentic selves, and I'd love to have you along for the journey with me.
In that spirit here's a little AC/DC “Back in Black”. I'm back peeps -wearing black as always.